Mourning the life we had
When we feel grief, it doesn’t always manifest in sorrow. I read something profound this morning. It was a quote I saw on Facebook that a friend of mine had shared. I have already forgotten the author’s name and I am paraphrasing here:
We are all in mourning…we are mourning what life used to be like…
There is so much truth in that. I recall the early days of my divorce in 2018 when several people gave me valuable advice. Two things stand out. The first is very similar to the quote above: In divorce, you are not sad about the divorce, but rather you are mourning the loss of the life you had because your new life is not the same.
The second recurring thing I was told was that the hardest thing in divorce is getting used to your new normal. Both of these ideas are born from the same notion that everything is different now. The same can be said for social distancing and living in the current world that is under assault from Covid-19.
Social Media as the canary in the mine
In the early days of the pandemic, as things in the United States were just starting to shut down, most of what I saw on social media was humor. There were countless memes addressing everything from relationships to toilet paper. That changed after several days. I began to see more hostile posts. More and more people were complaining about the inconvience of their situations. Angrier posts blamed Chinese people or New Yorkers for making things worse. Today, I have begun to see a shift in the tone again. Several people have shown sadness. There are some people who seem forlorn and confused.
This certainly reminds me of The Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle:
- Denial
- Anger
- Depression
- Bargaining
- Acceptance
Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle
If the comical memes and people like the President saying it was a hoax is denial and the demand for New Yorkers to stay in New York was anger, then it would make sense for people today to be depressed. Honestly, I felt depressed yesterday too.
Depression is not a normal state for me. I have made it part of existence to avoid the trappings of depression. By living an active lifestyle, I obtain the endorphines I need to maintain a positive mental state and I try to eat in a way that reduces inflammation and the associated trappings that leads to. I have read and studied some Buddhist teachings and I used to meditate often. I need to meditate more.
But what comes next? As society enters into the bargaining stage, what form does that take? Will people start making unsafe decisions? Are we going to see packed churches? Schools opening back up? I would make the argument that we are already seeing that. We need to keep our focus and treat this pandemic for what it is. We need strong leaders with an appropriate message.
Click here to read about why I think Trump is the problem
We need stronger leaders
We need President Trump to incrementally make this worse. Up until today, he was claiming we would open for business by Easter. Now he has adjusted the timeline to April 30th. At some point, an adult in the room needs to tell the truth to the American Public…this is going to go on until long into the summer…this is going to be our NEW NORMAL!
Check out my daily rant on YouTube. I have softened my tone a little bit as I am moving through the depression stage. I will not bargain with my health, though…
See you tomorrow,
Chris
